ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
