i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
