Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
