Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I want a musical about memes.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
