the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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