Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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