ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
