like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
