Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
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i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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