Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
