it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
