is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
