I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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