Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
