If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
