office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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