this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Alive.
So much puke
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
