I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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