today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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