6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
