1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife