3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
