That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
