so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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