so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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