We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Randomize
