Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize