I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
