he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
