look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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