Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
