just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
