I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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