I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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