wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
