BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
