I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
