oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
