Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
