the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
