I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
