The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
