remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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