So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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