I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
