Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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