This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
