I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
