I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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