i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
