Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
