So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
