I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
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I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
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Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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