I hate your face
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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