All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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