I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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