porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
