Your face is a jimmy john
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
