Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
