Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
