Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
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You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
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Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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